A few days ago was the 6-year anniversary of the loss of my sister.
Sunday, i made the decision to instead, be distracted, and i've been successfully putting off my meditation.
NO WONDER I strained my neck and back...smh
The mysteries of the universe I will never understand, but my love for the friend outweighs procrastination.
The dull ache stays. i am stained. it is not as fresh as before, and yet still so vivid, scarred, numbing.
I so desperately wanted to know her and be the best sister I could.
"One day you’ll discover that death is not what you might imagine; but then, neither is life. Either may be wondrous, filled with change; or, if you do not awaken, both may turn out to be a considerable disappointment." Dan Millman
Obviously, no one knew this would happen. No one ever does.
That doesn't change how angry it makes me that I was kept from her for so long, while so many of those around me, who call themselves my family didn't even bother to say "Hey, by the way, you're adopted" "By the way, you have these other siblings living right here in the same town".
I had so many years in the dark that could've been spent building a relationship with my sister and even my brother Ben who was also in stockton at the time.
I guess i'm just mad at the lies.
But life doesn't throw you anything you're not strong enough to live through.
and i'm fortunate I met her at all.
I'm fortunate I have a chance to build that relationship with Ben now.
I'm really sad that the rest of my siblings never got to meet Cindy. I know all she wanted was a sister, and she was something that I was missing too. I love my other two sisters, both Saras', but everyone in their own way has a uniquenes that brings an amazing and brilliant light into your life.
She changed me forever. I just wish i knew her better.
Aloha!
I miss you everyday.
This is my 6 year reflection.
peace love and light
enjoy your journey.
"you have a terminal illness: it’s called birth. You don’t have more than a few years left. No one does! So be happy now, without reason — or you never will be at all." Dan Millman
Sunday, i made the decision to instead, be distracted, and i've been successfully putting off my meditation.
NO WONDER I strained my neck and back...smh
The mysteries of the universe I will never understand, but my love for the friend outweighs procrastination.
The dull ache stays. i am stained. it is not as fresh as before, and yet still so vivid, scarred, numbing.
I so desperately wanted to know her and be the best sister I could.
"One day you’ll discover that death is not what you might imagine; but then, neither is life. Either may be wondrous, filled with change; or, if you do not awaken, both may turn out to be a considerable disappointment." Dan Millman
Obviously, no one knew this would happen. No one ever does.
That doesn't change how angry it makes me that I was kept from her for so long, while so many of those around me, who call themselves my family didn't even bother to say "Hey, by the way, you're adopted" "By the way, you have these other siblings living right here in the same town".
I had so many years in the dark that could've been spent building a relationship with my sister and even my brother Ben who was also in stockton at the time.
I guess i'm just mad at the lies.
But life doesn't throw you anything you're not strong enough to live through.
and i'm fortunate I met her at all.
I'm fortunate I have a chance to build that relationship with Ben now.
I'm really sad that the rest of my siblings never got to meet Cindy. I know all she wanted was a sister, and she was something that I was missing too. I love my other two sisters, both Saras', but everyone in their own way has a uniquenes that brings an amazing and brilliant light into your life.
She changed me forever. I just wish i knew her better.
Aloha!
I miss you everyday.
This is my 6 year reflection.
peace love and light
enjoy your journey.
"you have a terminal illness: it’s called birth. You don’t have more than a few years left. No one does! So be happy now, without reason — or you never will be at all." Dan Millman
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