I am at La Guardia, waiting to set off on a new adventure in the mixed-review state of Florida.
Going to Ft. Lauderdale to visit a couple friends, couchsurf, embrace solitude on white beaches in 80 degree weather (finally somewhere warm for my birthday!), visit the Hindu temple for services, check out the LGBT nightlife and find time to go Square dancing at a gay cowboy saloon called Scandals. woohoo.
Going to check out Miami for a day or two also. It's difficult to do such a fascinating city by yourself in such a short time, but I'm making the most of this vacation.
I have my laptop but i might just write entries in my notebook and upload them later.
I bought myself a brand new digital camera from best buy on sale...i might return it, but im still deciding. it was so cheap, its kindof worth keeping. However, i already have two good digital cameras they just need fixing. one might be not fixable, but the other one just needs a charger. I dont know if i'll keep it. I guess i could sell the ones i have and make the money back for the new one....a thought.
I digress.
What can i say? I'm going to be 24 in a few days...YAY!
10 years ago I was in Gettysburg, PA about to have my life changed drastically.
10 years ago, on my birthday, the 18th of february 2002, i was on the first plane ride of my life to Dallas, TX about to begin a life on my own, not knowing what would come.
(15) 9 years ago, I was manipulated into one of the scariest situations that imprinted very critical parts of who i am today, that i can only wish did not exist. Unfortunately, this is the first memory I think of when this year comes to mind. Which is too sad, because there were so many amazing things I also experienced this year.
(16) 8 years ago, I was still afraid. But I gained a very important, loving and supportive community in the form of friendships, comradeships and new family. Not to mention I met my best friend in the world and brother for life.
(17) 7 years ago, I graduated high school and finally felt i had a chance. I met a sister and a brother I did not know I had. I set off for college with some semblance of hope. I went to NYC for the first time.
(18) 6 years ago, I got my tongue pierced for my birthday. I finally had the courage to say no and put an end to all that i had been afraid of. I lost my sister at the hands of someone else's depravity and selfishness. I started anew and found my second best friend in the world and sister for life.
(19) 5 years ago, I took my best friend to see the Silversun Pickups for our birthdays. Later that year, I fell in love. F'real.
(20) 4 years ago, I went to Italy, my heart broke, I went off the deep end, never thought I'd get back, traveled to Boston and NYC and attempted to start anew.
(21) 3 years ago, I began seriously writing music again after 5 years of not writing anything. My heart was healing and I stopped being straight edge for some champagne. and some wine. and some shots. My sutures were torn out on my birthday that year and I had to start all over again. I went to Amsterdam, Belgium, Paris, Hawaii and hitchhiked to Portland. My heart began to beat steadily again.
(22) 2 years ago, I spent my birthday in NYC seeing a John Zorn music festival and ended up in a penthouse on Roosevelt Island. I wrote a lot of music that year and I finally graduated from college.
(23) 1 year ago, I created a kill room (dexter style) in a house in the middle of the woods of Sebastopol
and somehow convinced a bunch of my friends to come out and drink with me in a room covered in plastic and fake blood.
I'm surprised they dont think i'm a serial killer.
This year I will be on a beach in Miami.
The past 10 years have been a whirlwind. I know this year brings up trauma and anxiety. I know I have some re-building to do, some words to say, some intangible things to face, decisions to make, questions to ask and to answer, and most of all some love to give to myself and to those that have seen me through thick and thin.
I have to say 23 was my favorite year ever. i don't know ho 24 will come close, but i know it will shine no less brighter than any years prior.
I can't say that I'm ready, but I am prepared and my tools are securely fastened in my holster.
Go on, show me what you got world.
I got two guns, one for each of ya.
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