This time, it’s coming without warning
This scab seeps memories of a decade before.
before skin melted each and every pore of my existence
before, when i loved my sexuality.
when it was harmless and easy to walk the walk
when my skin wasnt scarred and afraid of everything
hiding in dark corners of collaged closets of memories that fade
because holding onto them hurts more than forgetting that they ever happened.
i wish,
the moon could cleanse this body, the way a good scrubbing never could.
the wish of love so exuberant its selfless aura and festive expression hovered and disinfected the wounds.
how hopeful of me.
how positive of us.
and it seems easy.
it looks as though its over the hill so if u run faster and faster ignoring the cramp in your left intestine you';ll eventually get to the horizon,
but everytime i speed up. a force field gets in my way.
that is the fear and denial of self-beneficiency.
self preservation has gotten me this far, but its undeniable my inner core has any subconscious love for itself, because i keep running away from the good.
the wonderful land of oz.
Or maybe im wrong and it really isnt easy and one day i wont wake up and be comfortable in my skin.
Therapy doesnt change you overnight and moving slowly towards what i already know has hurt me, is the most terrifying thing i could ever do.
so i run.
i hide.
i bury myself under pillows of a lost unescapable mentality.
I will never be 16 again.
i understand biology and science.
But this makes no damn sense.
time is supposed to heal all wounds.
and yet, my internal bleeding has only pretended to stop.
it has only been a few years and i shudder at the idea of ever being touched like that again.
no one understands.
i hate being a hypocrite about pain.
it is beyond words, meaning, expression.
and yet i still believe illness is still a state of mind.
even with love, you still feel alone in this magnitude of universe.
as of 5:31 pm PST this world has 6,630,362,700 people in it and yet we all feel so disconnected."
-B
copyright.BobYoung.2007
"The agony of being connected to everything in the Universe.
I am one with the universe and it [still] hurts."
-Andrew Boyd
This scab seeps memories of a decade before.
before skin melted each and every pore of my existence
before, when i loved my sexuality.
when it was harmless and easy to walk the walk
when my skin wasnt scarred and afraid of everything
hiding in dark corners of collaged closets of memories that fade
because holding onto them hurts more than forgetting that they ever happened.
i wish,
the moon could cleanse this body, the way a good scrubbing never could.
the wish of love so exuberant its selfless aura and festive expression hovered and disinfected the wounds.
how hopeful of me.
how positive of us.
and it seems easy.
it looks as though its over the hill so if u run faster and faster ignoring the cramp in your left intestine you';ll eventually get to the horizon,
but everytime i speed up. a force field gets in my way.
that is the fear and denial of self-beneficiency.
self preservation has gotten me this far, but its undeniable my inner core has any subconscious love for itself, because i keep running away from the good.
the wonderful land of oz.
Or maybe im wrong and it really isnt easy and one day i wont wake up and be comfortable in my skin.
Therapy doesnt change you overnight and moving slowly towards what i already know has hurt me, is the most terrifying thing i could ever do.
so i run.
i hide.
i bury myself under pillows of a lost unescapable mentality.
I will never be 16 again.
i understand biology and science.
But this makes no damn sense.
time is supposed to heal all wounds.
and yet, my internal bleeding has only pretended to stop.
it has only been a few years and i shudder at the idea of ever being touched like that again.
no one understands.
i hate being a hypocrite about pain.
it is beyond words, meaning, expression.
and yet i still believe illness is still a state of mind.
even with love, you still feel alone in this magnitude of universe.
as of 5:31 pm PST this world has 6,630,362,700 people in it and yet we all feel so disconnected."
-B
copyright.BobYoung.2007
"The agony of being connected to everything in the Universe.
I am one with the universe and it [still] hurts."
-Andrew Boyd
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